I like to think I’m pretty good at staying youthful in his I show up externally. I like maintain that kind of energy and zest for life you might associate with someone 20 years younger and continue to dress and move in away that feels creatively and authentically me. Whilst Gez Z and Alpha might see this as cringe, I am remaining forever young in spirit.
My bones, muscles and hormones on the other hand seem to have different ideas about how this aging process is gonna pan out. Whilst I am determined to make my 40’s my healthiest, fittest, strongest decade yet (physically and mentally), I am still fighting my biology and genetics.
You can see this is my official statement on why I’m gonna keep on talking about peri-menopause and menopause, because if I can help even a handful of people personally or professionally that would mean the world to me… and my dead Mum (this is what I call “playing the dead Mum card” so you have to read in now so you don’t feel guilty for swiping by 😂).
I can’t stop thinking about the changes and challenges we face as middle aged woman and in the process have been journeying off in the time machine that is my mind to memories of my Mum at this age.
All I have are landmark memories of her discomfort & pain. I was a very moody teenager that could be beyond difficult at times and I’m pretty sure wouldn’t have known or done much to care for or about the changes she was going through… I was far too wrapped up in my own hormonal life dramas of being a teen in the 90s/00s (for reference: I cast myself in a tortured role somewhere between Jen in Dawson’s Creek and Cat from 10 Things I Hate About You).
I keep thinking about the severe joint pain she experienced in her hips and back that meant she walked with a stick and sometimes was in a wheelchair. I first remember this being when I was around 13, which would have made her bang on 40.
She then left and went back home to New Zealand when she was 46 leaving behind everything. Whilst I still feel this was a bit of a dick move when her kids were still in their teens, all I can think about is how alone and lost she must of felt to do something so drastic.
I would give absolutely anything to ask her all the details of what she went through physically, hormonally, emotionally and mentally in her 40s. Not just so I can better understand myself, but to retrospectively give her the empathy and compassion she needed back then.
So if you’re lucky enough to still have your Mum in your life, please talk to them.
And if you can relate to these two strong and powerful VERY REAL FEELINGS of joint/muscle pain and the urge to run away and escape everything I SEE YOU.
I’m here to talk and listen and if I can, help.
Let’s support each other through this.
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